An experience I will never forget. Jumping out of a fucking airplane on my 25th birthday!
The week leading up to the jump was the most nerve racking part. I told all of my coworkers, all of my friends and some of my family so I had to jump. There was no going back on it or my reputation would be worse than John McCain's 2008 campaign. Whenever someone would ask about it my heart would pound as if a Mack truck was barreling down the road ready to hit me. To say the least my stomach was in knots so tight I could barely sleep that week. It was the week hurricane Irene came, but I had more important things to worry about...possibly splattering on the ground on my birthday!
We set out early in the morning, the air was still clear and fresh from hurricane Irene's cleansing the weekend before. My brother Bobby provided the trash talking while my good friend John added the vulgar soundtrack and ambiance of smoke. I guess they were morale body guards, staying to make sure I didn't run down the street screaming my lungs out- "FUCK THIS !"
They couldn't jump because they are two big black guys and it is illegal for them to jump out of a plane, it's considered rape in 23 states...No, they weigh too much to jump tandem(attached to a highly trained professional). They'd have to take a bunch of classes and jump solo, pack their own gear and everything.
It was an un-nerving and surprisingly smooth two hour ride out to the far away land of Long Island. We arrived at our destination in a state of confusion. A dirt road and a trailer. But the GPS was correct. "Holy shit, what did I get myself into" was the first of many thoughts to enter my head. We walked into the trailer and greeted by what looked like characters straight out of Deliverance. If it wasn't for the cute receptionist with the British accent I would have ran all the way back to Queens. Maybe that's why they hired her, because they know they look like a bunch of backwoods rapist...
So after I signed a million copies of documents insuring me that I am not insured and that I am aware of the crazy, stupid, fucking, insane thing I was about to do, it was time for The Video...I had to watch a 5 minute video of the owner yet again telling me how uninsured I am and legally bound to die at my own risk if fate so chose to do so. It was okay though, the owner looked like a ZZ Top reject so I felt really at ease!
The ride up was surprisingly calm for me. The plane was about the size of an elevator car turned horizontal. Just enough room for the pilot, some other jerk who stole my idea to go skydiving, his tandem jumper, my tandem psycho and myself. I still don't remember my tandem guys name, but I do remember him smoking a lot.
"SO hot many times have you jumped?"
"You don't wanna know...haha I'll tell you when we land."
He never told me. That jerk-hole.
We were cramped in this tiny plane sitting yoga style feet to feet. It took about 15 minutes to reach "the drop zone." It felt so long I was getting impatient. Looking out the window didn't help. Seeing the trailer go from actual size to lego, and then microscopic did wonders for my mental stability. Once the plane took off I already got myself hyped. Didn't the pilot know I was ready to jump now! and not in 15 minutes?
It came like an alarm clock while fast asleep in the dead of winter. It was go time. The door was open. I saw the other jerk roll out of the plane, so I knew it was my turn to shimmy toward the bright open space in the plane that lead to oblivion. What did he say again? Keep my head down, tuck in my arms and shoulders, step out onto the wheel and roll out the door. Fuck. Fuck my life. Fuck me. Fuck me sideways...
No comments:
Post a Comment